closer and further away [576]

my friend, karin, is coming into town tonight.

figured we'd have dinner, then maybe catch a show down at the mars bar... however, i've had the week from hell, so i'm more interested in sitting around, talking, playing chess, maybe watching a bit of teevee before the night is over.

maybe it's time to grill some meat. there's comfort in building a fire, and as there's no precipitation expected, it might be nice to continually stoke the flame and have an old fashioned night out.

friends, flame, and food.

~^v*v^~
i've reached a certain level of acceptance never before thought possible.

i'm constantly disappointed in all that originally seems a decent prospect. i don't suppose i'm closed off to the idea; rather, i'm now much less inclined to throw myself into the river if the other person is still gingerly touching the tip of the water with their toes.

i always was an all-or-nothing kind of guy. give every endeavour all the energy you have all of the time.

otherwise, you're just half-assing through life.

that's no way to live.

blue toenails (all dressed up and nowhere to go) [575]

my plans for the holiday weekend have been altered.

i was supposed to see her, but that's not going down, now.

talk about *blaze of glory... the whole thing seemed to go up in flames.

i wondering what the future holds.

i talked to my mum about it this afternoon.

"i have to prepare myself for the possibility that there may not be anyone out there for me. it hurts to say it, it really does, but i need to make sure it doesn't take me by surprise."
"yeah... yeah, you're right."

mum sounded disappointed.

of course she does. no mother wants to know that their children are hurt, and nothing can be done to fix it.

of course it bothers me... it's a pretty grim assessment, but a possibility for which i need to prepare.

i've made my peace with it. i guess when you expect nothing, anything that happens is something great.

"it's not death if you refuse it... it is if you accept it."
-j. o'barr.

~^v*^v~
yuriy left below blackstar. the split was amicable, but now, we're charged with finding yet another member of the band.

teaching them the same six damn songs.

a year later, and still trying to figure shit out.

fuck.

~^v*v^~
ten weeks until seahawks.

fuck.

~^v*v^~




"i play for keeps 'cause i might not make it back..."

left hand suzuki method [574]

Guns and Roses - Estranged
Uploaded by lessvek. - See the latest featured music videos.

~^v*v^~
i'm never sure what to do anymore.

in times of trouble, go with what you know.

i have a visit to the butcher's planned.

i've got a lot of new dvd's i have yet to view.

seems there's a good show going down at the mars bar.

or, i'll just stay home and contemplate the meaning of the universe and my place in it.

maybe i'll just get drunk.

vertebrate [573]

i've been a retard.

i've been paranoid.

i've been the same ridiculously melodramatic fool i've always been.

she stays.

sometimes, it's good to be alive.

"to find the face you've seen a thousand times" [572]

~^v*v^~
my horoscope for the week:

According to polls, more than half the population believes they are fantastic kissers. How did they get that way? Some people say they have rehearsed extensively by smooching the backs of their own hands or rubbing their lips up against posters of celebrities. Whether you've tried these techniques or have developed other strategies, Aquarius, I advise you to bone up on your skills. Not this week, but soon, you will be entering a prime romantic phase of your astrological cycle -- a time when you will have the potential to accomplish wonders and marvels with your mouth.

she's a foul-mouthed pervert.

she's a complete pain in the ass that's constantly trying to "one-up" me.

she's a pushy bitch that won't stop fucking with me with completely outlandish lies that are notoriously obvious exaggerations.

she's also sweet as all hell.

she calls me "darlingface".

she challenges me, and gives my brain the workout it so desperately requires on a daily basis.

she said i made her feel pretty... she didn't need me for that.

she makes me feel like the protector, the champion.

she's seen the side of me that's a complete prick... and she wants to be a part of it.

she's tough, yet vulnerable.

she's brave, but wants to bury her face in my chest.

she's determined. incorruptible. a fierce lioness.

sometimes, a kitten.

she's got great taste in shoes.

mum would love her ; )

~^v*v^~
Shelley passed away. i went to services.

my first time at one of these things.

i didn't feel right eating there... i know it's a gathering, but... i just wanted to be sad.

i miss you.